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2021 – Excellent or Not!
excellent or not.
Here I come or is it ready or not? Here I come, I'm not too sure.
But you know, I've got here this younger version of me who started up a study room back nine years ago and and as much as I was ready or as as good as I thought I could be to to start up a study room, I I wasn't,
I was not prepared for what I want, I didn't really know what I wanted to do and I knew that what I wanted to do, but I didn't know how to do it and I didn't even know how to be good at it because I really had no formal training on anything I ever did.
Like I do curriculum development,
I've never taken my Master's for curriculum development.
I was, I wanted to be a teacher in south Korea, I wasn't trained to be a teacher, I wasn't educated to be a teacher.
I just had a degree in computer science and you know,
like even looking through, you know, my transcripts from, from high school, you'll see that my mask scores probably weren't, you know, they weren't at the level for me to be excellent in, in to get into the computer science program yet.
I got in somehow and, and so often I wonder why I got in or if there's other reasons why I got in which there are, there always are other motives and other reasons and other agendas.
you know, I showed up and I did what I needed to do to kind of move to the next step and you know, like I started my study room and I'm still here after nine years and now I'm looking at sort of my options, like showing up every day.
I learned how to get excellent at, you know, playing noodle, you know, like, and I do that by, you know, watching myself and how I I teach and what I say and how the students react to it all, and and that's how I became becoming more excellent at what I do,
and now I'm never ready, I never exactly know exactly where I'm going to go, but I'm willing to jump in and give it a shot.
You know, it's like the fools rush in type thing, you know,
like, like one half is like, the ego is super powerful and he says like, you can do it, you can do it, and then the other half is like, what if you fall, what if you fall? What did I say?
Listen, you've fallen every day of your entire life? If there's one thing they're good at, if there's one thing you're good at is excellent at is is falling down and getting back up and then trying to figure out and put together the pieces again.
And so actually that's one reason why I sabotaged myself and which isn't always good,
but I'm very good at self sabotage and I got to get over that and that's something that I need to figure out how not to do because you know, I'm always pushing the reset button, I'm always starting over from scratch.
I'm always trying something new and I'm always breaking what I've built and sometimes, you know, like after years and years, I'm still not what I think good at it, but then maybe that's just my perspective,
maybe I'm, I think I'm not good at it and I'm just, that's my own biased opinion, but maybe other people think, you know this, there's always a spectrum of people who are, you know,
who are higher up on the ladder and lower down on the ladder and you know, if you listen to these people that say you're good, you're bad, You listen to these people, they say you're good and then,
you know, you have to find where you fit kind of more securely within, you know, you know what you can share and how you share and how you want to be in the world and, and so I'm never really excellent at most things,
but here I am here, I am still showing up and and I'm gonna continue to do so while circumstances and my knowledge and wealth and health all kind of rolled together into that, you know,
the Rubik's cube that we're always trying to put together, I'm wishing you the best of luck for you to figure out your next steps in your study room or garden or whatever you need, wherever you are,
good luck and have fun because it's a life's a journey.
Right, bye bye.